Here and Gone

Ever have one of those moments of epiphany? Those utterly astounding, world stopping ideas that could possibly save the world?

Ever open your mouth to speak those golden gems, only to have them suddenly gone, like a free pizza amongst frat boys?

Yesterday I had a thought that struck me out of the blue. It amazed me and I rushed out to tell my hubby, loudly proclaiming “Eureka, I’ve figured it out!” When I got there, I stood there with my mouth agape. It was GONE! I stood there looking at him and he looking at me expectantly, awaiting my wisdom. I ended up telling him “we need corn flakes” and going back to the bedroom.

Sometimes I hate my mind. I swear getting old sucks big green alien balls. I HATE going out to the kitchen on a mission and forgetting why I’m there. I make a cup of coffee and, if my hubby doesn’t bring it to me, I go back for something else and say “wow, thanks for making my coffee dear” To which he replies “YOU made it, HOURS ago” Or if he’s feeling fresh he’ll retort “Well, it’s cold so you’ll have to reheat it” KNOWING that the moment I turn away from the microwave, I’ll forget it’s there.

Today I went out to the garage, looking for something. This place is my husbands domain, a place where no woman goes unless it’s to the sewing area. I got to the middle of the garage and was lost. What was I looking for? Hmm… Damnit I dunno.  I stood there, shivering and barefoot, till hubby came out and asked me what I needed. SIGH “My brain, I think it went south for warmer air” He laughed and shook his head as I left the garage.

Sometimes it’s not so funny. A while back, before Christmas, I was wandering outside at 2 AM, confused and crying. One of our neighbors took me home and woke my hubby. I couldn’t remember him or the house. I was frightened and felt like a little child. He took me to bed and tucked me in, not sleeping the rest of the night. That morning he took me to the dr. and they put me on meds for Alzheimer’s patients. A month shy of my 43 birthday, I’ve been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. WTF?

Sometimes I feel lost among my family. My children aren’t familiar to me and it scares me.The meds help but I get “breakthrough Stupids”  as I call them. Those moments where the world isn’t mine, where everything is foreign and no-one speaks my language. One moment I’m here, the next I’m gone. When I say I’m off on a mission to find myself, sometimes I’m not kidding!