Defiant children

This morning, I was awakened by my husband telling me that my son, Sean, was missing from the house.

Of course, I got up and raced to his room, looked in the closet and everywhere, including the garage. At the moment I decided to call the police, who should arrive, red-faced and breathing hard, but my son. I immediately knew where he’d been.

Today is when his trip to Elitches was planned. He’d worked hard to get the candy bars sold for this trip and has looked forward to going for months.

Yesterday, I told him he wasn’t going because someone had come into my bedroom and stolen 20 dollars from hubbys pocket. No one would admit to doing it so I told him he wasn’t going. During the day, yesterday, we talked about the issue and he stated his opinion that it wasn’t fair. He stated that he didn’t take the money and it wasn’t fair that he was being punished for his brothers thievery.

Now understand, Seans been caught lying and stealing before so, you can understand my disbelief. We went to bed with it unresolved last night. This morning, the money is still missing.

This morning, Sean thought he’d just sneak out of the house, run down to the school at 7 AM because he thought that was the time he was supposed to be there. He arrived back home at 7:30. He thought he’d missed the bus to the park and was pretty upset. We talked to him about leaving the house without leaving a note, disobeying my words that he was not to go today and the fact that the money was still missing. He was adamant that he didn’t take the money and that it wasn’t fair that he should be punished for his brothers sin.

I did feel bad about him not going and I could see how much it meant to him. I also had weighed the evidence all day yesterday. It DOES all point to Dan stealing the money. MAybe putting it all down in writing will make it easier to put it all together even though it’s all circumstantial.

1. Dan stays up at night. Usually, after I’m asleep, he’s up and playing on the computer. Night before last, he was still up when hubby got up at 6 AM.

2. Dan is fixated by money. Since he was a toddler, he’s been a money fiend.

3. When confronted, Dan got defensive. Sean stayed calm. Usually, when Seans caught in a lie, he looks a certain way. He didn’t have that look yesterday.

4. Dan is pretty much a daddy’s boy. Dad lets him get away with a LOT, always has. Even when caught doing something wrong, dad defends him or ignores it. (Dan is his bio son, regardless of what the experts say, it DOES make a difference, trust me)

5. Dan was SERIOUSLY jealous over Sean getting to go to the amusement park and he doesn’t get to go. I know Dan well enough to know that he’d do ANYTHING to keep Sean from going, just because Sean wanted it so badly. He’s done things like that before.

6. He’s notorious for stealing things, like candy, from his fathers pocket while he’s asleep.

End of story, I let Sean go on the trip. He did well pleading his case and I’m trusting that he was being truthful. I let him know that, if he was found to be lying, consequences would be severe. Not only because he stole the money but because he lied.

Now to figure out how to get the money back from Dan… If he took it.

Do I go through his things like a police officer or do I trust that his conscience will get the better of him and he’ll come clean?

I honestly don’t know what to do here. I WANT to trust my children. I’ve TRIED to instill in them that we don’t lie, cheat or steal, by example and deed but it’s obviously not working. They KNOW there are consiquences for their actions but, it doesn’t faze them the least bit. Is this just their ages? Is it a stage that ALL kids their ages go through?

Where did I go wrong? Am I too forgiving a parent? Too leinent? Too strict? What did I do, or not do that I should have, to get here?

 

Parenting sucks sometimes.

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One thought on “Defiant children

  1. If your children lie, steal, cheat on tests and be defiant, then you have not spanked them nearly enough. Children who are spanked when little do not stray from the lessons learned. No need to worry though, two weeks and both can be changed. First, Dan needs his computer taken out of his room. Time limits need enforced no matter how bad they make you feel. YOU are the parent. It is YOUR house. Ground your children and stick to it. Otherwise you have no foundation and your children will think you are a joke. Dan may have stolen your money but the younger one had every intention of defying your orders and even left you home, without telling you, to go to this trip. Again, without telling you. If he were my child, I would have spanked his butt! Thats how children get kidnapped, tortured and murdered! But you told him his actions were okay and good by letting him go. You and your husband need to sit down and have a serious talk. Then on Sunday you need to load your family up and go to church. Children who go, 9 times out of 10 have more respect for theor parents.

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