Hi gang. Sorry I haven’t posted much about my fibro lately, been a bit busy with the family’s health, as you know. So, here’s an update.
With the stress of family the past few months, I’ve found my fibro flares more intense and yet manageable I wonder if it’s just my mind is too preoccupied to notice the pain till the wee hours of the morning, then BAM, I’m crying from the pain! I’ve been having more pain in my legs, my RLS has flared to excruciating heights and my migraines are back with a vengeance. Hips are screaming today and all I did was take the dog out!
Yesterday I had to go with hubby to his doctor then drop off a sample for Dans doctor. When I got home, I CRASHED. I laid down because my hips were hurting so bad I could barely walk. The next thing I knew, it was four hours later. WHY does doing the least little thing have to wear me out so bad?
Today I’m having to “take it easy”, my term for “leave me the fuck alone, I’m in PAIN” I’m bitchy, short tempered and tired. EVERY time I have to go out, I’m laid up for a day or three afterwards. Lately, I haven’t had that “luxury” It’s been one thing after another and I’ve gone through my entire stash of Dilaudid since my last doctors visit. I’ll have to call him and set up another appointment, costing ANOTHER 30 dollars! Why the hell are co-pays so expensive? I have Medicare for crying out loud!
The past few months have been hell, financially, for us. With the 300 dollar co-pay for hubbys hospital visits, the 30 dollars x5 doctor visits and our meds at 500 dollars. Rent is 1200, lights and water another 350. We bring in about 2300 a month. We don’t qualify for food stamps so what the F”CK are we supposed to feed the kids?
The one good thing is my appetite is nonexistent so I’m not eating much. A sandwich or some soup every day is all I’m able to choke down. That brings me to another symptom. Stomach pain, EVERY time I eat. I’m not talking ye generic tummy trouble. I’m talking knife in the stomach, double you over, “my God why did I even BOTHER” pain. I’m down to drinking the broth from the Ramen packets, broth from the chicken and dumplings I made last week and the gravy from the stew. I FINALLY talked hubs into buying me a blender, in hopes that the pureed food will be easier to tolerate. We’ll see. I hope to God I didn’t make him waste 20 dollars on another false hope.
I’ve lost another 20 pounds in the past month, down to 170. I’m flabby as hell and I can’t stand to see myself naked. It’s spring and I’m sweating like crazy but, I’m NOT taking to Tee shirts and shorts because my body is GROSS. I’ve always had thick arms but now the skin is literally just HANGING off them. My youngest informed me that my arms were “like fat flying squirrel wings” I cried for hours after that.
I hate this. I’ve always liked my body, felt confident and wonderful about how I looked, even at 300 pounds but now…