One thing then another…

So I’ve been having pain in my right shoulder for a couple months now and recently found out I have a torn rotator cuff.


Put off seeing the Dr because of Dans doctor appointments and got to where I couldn’t lift my arm. Got an MRI and…. well, anyway, now I need surgery on my shoulder. I was SUPPOSED to go in for the preop appointment this morning but we can’t afford the 200 dollar copay. I cancelled the surgery.

Now I’m sitting here wondering why my life is so fucked up. Dan has been diagnosed with non 24 sleep disorder. He needs a special light that costs around a hundred dollars, some meds the insurance won’t cover and a sleep apnea machine. More testing, MRI on his brain, blood tests, ST scan and another sleep study for titration. He needs oxygen at night. All told, we need about 500 dollars for his medical stuff alone. Insurance doesn’t cover the lamp or the special meds.

I started a fund raiser for Dans medical costs at

If you can help, that would be awesome!

As for myself, I’ll wait on my surgery. I’m getting used to the pain and using my left arm more to compensate for the lower ability of the injured arm. It sucks but it’s doable.

Being poor sucks so much.


Pity Party Inside! Grab a Balloon

Grab a balloon and hang on tight!

Grab a balloon and hang on tight!

The weather has taken everything I had in reserves and washed it straight into the South Platte river. All my reserve Spoons, all my willpower and all my patience. I’m hurting. The worst I’ve hurt in almost a year and the weather is so bad that I can’t even ride to the MMJ store to get something to help. It’s been raining for a week and tonight it’s decided to get cold and start hailing too.

This is kinda how I feel. All twisted up

This is kinda how I feel. All twisted up

So, I’ve decided to throw myself a pity party. My kids even baked me a pink cake with strawberry frosting. I’m not proud to say I ate 1/4 of it. By myself… with milk. Didn’t help the pain but my thighs feel better. Or is it bigger? I dunno but it tasted good either way.


Anyway, I just thought I’d share some balloons and cake with you, in case you’re feeling down or in pain like me. You know what they say, Misery loves company.

A wish for tomorrow

A wish for tomorrow

8 Simple facts to explain fibromyalgia on Awareness Day

Wonderfully written post on Fibromyalgia.

The Invisible F

Wearing  a Mask by me Wearing a Mask by me

It’s Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!

Every effort no matter how small goes a long way in raising awareness of this little understood chronic condition.

If you didn’t know, fibromyalgia is a neurological condition that inflicts a crap load of symptoms onto patients. Symptoms include chronic muscle pains, debilitating exhaustion, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Syndrome – sensitivities to noise, bright lights, chemicals, certain medications and foods, depression and anxiety, cognitive impairments also known as fibro fog, irritable bowel syndrome, migraines and dizziness. This is by no means an exhaustive list.

If you need help in explaining to someone how fibromyalgia affects your life or the life of someone you love, you can direct them to my blog where there’s loads of information, explained in simple terms.

I’ve compiled 8 simple facts about fibromyalgia to help you explain what it is to someone who doesn’t know.

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Colorado reduces teen pregnancies and abortions, saves money — so, of course, Republicans stop the program!

Figures the thing that works gets shut down. I swear out politicians are mentally challenged.


republican family values

Over the past seven years, Colorado has run an experiment to see if it could lower the rate of unintended pregnancies, cut abortions – and save the state government some money, too.

The Colorado Family Planning Initiative offered low-income women and teenagers access to low or no-cost contraceptive devices, including IUDs and implants, and trained providers in insertion and counselling techniques. Last year, researchers reported significant drops in the birth rate among teens and young adult women in participating counties. The abortion rate among women between 15 and 19 years old dropped by more than a third; high-risk pregnancies by a fourth.

In July the governor’s office issued a glowing press release, crediting the program with a 40% statewide drop in teen birth rates between 2009 and 2013 – and a 35% drop in abortions.

…Last Wednesday Colorado’s Republican-controlled senate killed a bill that would sustain and expand CFPI services…

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What happened to my husband?

Many years ago, 15 to be exact, I found a man and fell deeply in love.Two years later we were wed on a stormy, snowy miserable night in his condo. Life had it’s ups and downs but we were strong and never fought. We weathered the storms, side by side, and became stronger.

The past 2 years have been the toughest ever.  Hubby became sick in January 2013 and almost died. 6 ICU visits in three months. February we almost lost our youngest to diabetic ketoacidosis on his 10th birthday. I was told my husband might die the same day. They were in different ICUs on opposite sides of town.

April, hubbys brother younger died suddenly from heart failure.

Hubby has had mental issues since that January and would be belligerent, docile, violent, weepy… he was EVERYWHERE emotionally and forgot things a lot. Then in October, he had three grand mal seizures in a week. Dr said it was from abruptly getting off Cymbalta. His confusion got worse.

Two years have passed and hubby is better but there are still issues with his cognition and there are still things he can’t remember. We ruled out MS so that’s good news but there are still a LOT of unanswered questions.

Many times in the past two years, I’ve thought about divorce. Even got the papers to fill out but haven’t done anything with them. I’ve felt more and more lonely in this relationship but I hold on. I’m stubborn like that.  I feel a lot like a referee because of the way the interactions go between my middle son and my hubby. Nothing he does is good enough for hubby. Noone can talk to him about anything without him getting depressed or angry. Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes I just want to leave.

I mostly feel like I’m married to a man I don’t know, that someone took my husband and sent me someone that is an alien at best. All he does now is watch his shows on the computer and go shopping. We never take walks anymore. We never just sit and talk. He hasn’t touched me sexually in two years, says he’s not interested in sex any more…. I don’t know if it’s because he’s having physical issues or if he just doesn’t want sex with me.

I wish I could find out what happened that changed him so drastically…. I want my husband back, damnit! I hate being in mourning for someone who’s not dead.

The desire to change

So, I’ve got a really bad case of wanderlust as does my middle son. What we want to do is get an RV and spend a year travelling around the country, learning, exploring and LIVING. He’s 15 now and has plans to leave home after his 16th birthday so he can explore and get on with his life making Tiny Houses, living off grid. He has dreams and aspirations. I’m totally OK with this. He can always be emancipated and be legally able to do as he desires.

Back to our dream. We have been home/unschooling for a couple years now and now we want to be able to GO to the places we have been learning about and REALLY learn, get to talk to the people in the different areas of the country and expose the boys to different cultures.

There is a major problem.


The RV would cost between 5 and 10 thousand for a small one. We have really bad credit because of medical bills so we can’t get a loan. I’m wondering if we should start a kickstarter or Gofundme for the funds. We’d have money for gas and food but not the initial vehicle. This is something we’d really like to do and another thing this would do is help us to save money for a homestead.

Right now, we spend 1300 a month on rent and another thousand on other bills (electricity, water, gas etc)  We are unable to save ANY money for emergencies much less a house. This would help by allowing us to travel and find cheaper places to rent or buy.

Maybe be able to afford things like shoes and clothing for the kids even!

On abuse

Yesterday  I posted about my husbands treatment of my son. He saw the post and It made him sound like an absolute monster and it upset him. Understandably.

He’s not all bad. There are times when he’s loving and caring. He takes care of the bills, makes sure the rent is paid and we have lights on. We eat and most of the time we have enough money for doctors appointments. Not his fault we are on disability and pay more than half our money in rent. It just is.

For those who were concerned, don’t be. We are fine. Thank you for the concern though.