I have a friend who is having issues with her marriage. A couple of weeks ago, we sat down and were talking about it. She asked me what she should do to make herself appreciate him more because he’s always complaining about that. She admitted that SHE doesn’t know if she really appreciated the things he did for her. This was my advice.
“Take this napkin and write down the things he does for you.”, She wrote down a few things and I looked over the list. I said “now expand this list. The little things this time, not the major things.”. She took a little longer and handed me the list. I nodded and gave it back to her. Then I said “Now, holding this list in your hands, close your eyes. Imagine him, laying in bed beside you. Feel his warm skin and snuggle next to him” I watched the smile slip over her face and then said “Now, imagine waking up a few hours later and touching him. Feeling his ice cold flesh under your fingertips and realizing he’s not breathing”. I let her imagine this for a minute till tears seeped under her eyelashes. “Now, imagine his funeral, watching his casket being lowered into the ground” Tears flowed freely now and dripped off her chin. I was crying by this time too. “Open your eyes and look at that list again and think of EVERYTHING he does for you. Write what you left out” Through her grief tears, she wrote and for the next ten minutes she wrote on the front and back of three napkins. Before she left, she gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever gotten and she thanked me.
I just got off the phone with her husband. He found her lists and had talked with her about them, asking what they were. She told him about our conversation and he said something I never expected to hear. “I came home from my lawyers and found the list last week. After talking with her, I did the same thing, the list, the visualizations and I discovered that SHE has done so much that I take advantage of! I tore up the divorce papers I’d brought home and made an appointment with our marriage counselor the next day. Thank you. I think your exercise saved our marriage!”
Five years ago, I’d have not been able to tell her these things. I was the one about to file for divorce. I was the one who was going to throw everything away because I’d gotten tired of being unappreciated. I now know that I was the one being unappreciative and it’s too late for me to change that. I don’t want my friends to suffer like I am!